There is nothing like losing someone you care about and you just want to see them again.
I used to write all the time. Either in a journal, on my phone or sometimes on a computer. I always had a story, fiction mostly, to write about. I'd even write about my day and what God has done or is doing for me. Dancing, singing, drawing were things I used to express myself as well, but nothing like writing.
Last November, I lost a little part inside of me to do anything. I lost my love for writing. I felt like I lost everything with one big blow to the chest.
On November 28th, 2021, my life changed.
My faith got shaken.
My grandmother was diagnosed with COVID-19 and pneumonia. I wasn't too worried about her being diagnosed. I knew she would come out strong and healthy. My grandmother's a fighter. She's beaten brain surgery of a big sized tumor in the back of her head. She's beaten a stroke in the middle of that brain surgery. She's overcome many challenges I never seen her experience, but I knew this woman is strong enough to beat this COVID-19 and pneumonia.
As the days turned to a couple of weeks, I was little worried why she hasn't gotten better. I mean my family and I were praying, distant family was praying, our church was praying, but still no change.
My mother got a call while we were in church. My heart sunk wondering if it was the doctors. My hope for my grandmother getting better was crushed when my mom came in and passed out. The doctors said my grandmother was coding.
We had to rush to the hospital and there, we were told my grandmother passed away.
I tried holding it together, but I couldn't. I felt anger and sadness all at once. My perspective on life changed instantly. Confusion and depression came in and I didn't care about anything.
I've experienced death in my life. Some distant relatives or a few friends of the family, but this...this was different. This feeling inside was totally different.
I felt like I lost myself. I pushed everyone away. I wanted to be alone. I wasn't angry at God for bringing my grandmother home early, but I never thought He would unexpectedly and so soon. I thought He was going to answer all our prayers. I felt like....
I can't explain all the feelings I felt.
The last three months of the year are usually my favorite. Fall winds and changing leaves in October. November smelling like glazed ham and stuffing. The cheers and screams of crazy football fans. December being my most favorite month with all the beautiful Christmas lights, Christmas songs and Christmas plays. The snow quietly making its entrance into the world.
I made plans for us all for these months, but everything crumbled.
I can't explain how much I miss my grandmother. She was more than a grandmother to me. She was one of my best friends.
We'd talk for hours and hours. We'd share laughs, had ridiculous arguments and made up in funny ways. We liked the same movies and songs. She taught me roman numerals, pig Latin and corny jokes. We even quizzed each other on states, state capitols, presidents, history and much more. She'd give me advice on how to handle enemies, and if that wasn't going to work, she said she'll wheel herself up to them and give them a talkin' to.
Good memories.
Just wish they weren't only memories.
I'm writing this because I want those who have ever loss someone dear to them to know you are not alone. I thought I was alone and tried pushing everyone away, but I grew to see there are many who knows what it feels like.
It will be hard, but it gets better.
You'll have your down days. You may need to be alone for a moment. You may need to cry and scream. And that's okay to do. Let it out. Don't bundle it all inside, because if you do, you'll become vulnerable for Satan to sneak in.
Go to God for healing inside. To comfort you. He will not pull away. Matter of fact, the more you draw near to Him, He'll draw near to you (James 4:7).
Keep holding on. Keep pressing through.
We will see them soon.
Remember: Jesus is our comforter. He's our hope. He's our peace. He knows that we will cry multiple times and we'll talk about them a lot because we miss them. He's right there listening.
You will always have a shoulder to cry on.
My advice, as I am still learning, circle yourself around people who understand and are truly praying for you. Be with those who want to see you happy again and want to help you get through this. God loves when His people come together in love. He says in Ecclesiastes 4:9, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed."
You will get through this.
Just remember, you will see your dear loved one again❤️
I wrote a song called See You Soon. You can check it out on my YouTube channel: Tiffany Shacole. Forgive my voice. I had sore throat, lost my voice a little, and the ending wasn't the best lol, but I really wanted to share this with you.
Thanks!
Songs of the Week: There Will Be A Day by Jeremy Camp | I Can Only Imagine by MercyMe |I Am Not Alone by Kari Jobe |Even If by MercyMe | Hills and Valleys by Tauren Wells | Grave into Gardens by Elevation Worship | Can't Give Up Now by MaryMary
(Lot of songs, but music is one way that helps me keep my eyes on Jesus)
Scripture of the Week: "God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted."
-Matthew 5:4
