My friend, I cannot lie to you. It's been a rollercoaster for me for the past month. A little after releasing my first book, I know God led me to write, I felt an immediate slap of opposition and resistance against me. The battles were spiritual, mental, emotional and physical. It was as if I lost every bit of strength and drive to get up and continue.
A couple of weeks ago, my pastor preached a good message called "Go Again." With my mind focused on the pains and problems I've been facing; my pastor's words were muffled in my ears. However, there was a point he made that grabbed ahold of my attention for a moment.
"Your faith will always be challenged."
This month, I've been feeling this. My faith has been challenged a lot and hard. I've been facing expectations from others, health issues, family things, even doubt about the future. I got so comfortable in this place that I began to believe the lies: "Maybe I should give up. Maybe I'll never receive God's promise. Maybe I did something wrong to have to face such opposition."
What I realize is that we all have a problem with addressing the fact that we are hurt, broken and need help. We walk around pretending and pasting a smile for everyone, when deep down we're facing agony. When we'll we remember that we are sinners but saved by the grace of God? We have not arrived yet. We are not perfect.
Ah. Perfect.
That's what this modern day has been reaching for. What I've been reaching for.
I'm not perfect. I have flaws. I'm different. I face many storms. Some I've caused. Some have come unexpectedly. I've sinned. I repented. I've backslid. I repented. I cried out to God. I've question God's plans. I allowed fear to paralyze me. I've walked by faith. I've walked with the wrong crowd. I've walked with many saints. I've done wrong. I've spoken life and I've spoken death. I've hid from God. I've walked with God. I've stayed comfortable in my comfort zone. I've pushed through and broke out of the comfort zone.
My point: I am not perfect...and neither are you. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but I am clearly stating that we need to get out of this perfect mentality and get back to remembering where we stand with God. We are Nobodies who need Thee Somebody who made us into Somebodies to share of His great love.
We were sinners, yet while we were yet sinners Christ died for us!
I don't have to work hard to be perfect and win over God's grace, mercy and love for me. He loves me because that is who He is...love. He knew I would face all these rollercoaster feelings, heartaches and storms. He knew I would hide and stay in a comfort zone just to find some kind of peace. He knew I would face opposition.
He knows yet He is always there.
There's that quiet voice whispering yet trembling my soul, "Get up, Tiffany. Get up."
I can no longer stay here in the place of pretending and hiding the pains I face. I can no longer put on the mask of happiness. I am choosing to run to God and give Him me. All of me. The me that's angry, or hurt, or broken. The me who He calls. The me that needs His saving grace. The me that feels like giving up.
I am broken. I am a sinner. I am not perfect. But God! I am healed. I am saved. I am His.
Towards the end of my pastors message, He gave us a question that marinaded in my heart:
"Will you quit if your prayers don't get answered?"
During that time, I felt like I could quit...not going to lie. I was at the end of my rope. I had enough. But the more I heard those sweet quiet words whispering in my ear, "Get up. Get up." I cried it out, I gave everything to God, and I got up.
There is no perfection within me. There is purpose within me. I have to keep speaking the promise.
My friend, only believe. Don't give up. It may be hard now, but you have to keep believing in the middle of it. As Brandon Lake says in his song Don't Give Up On Me: "So don't lose your hope. Don't lose your faith, that's where your fight is."
Keep on fighting my friend. Keep on.
Have a blessed one peeps! :)
Scripture of the Weekend:
"So, let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up."
-Galatians 6:9
Song of the Weekend:
Brandon Lake - Don't You Give Up On Me
Mavrick City Music - Man of Your Word
