#1 Getting Start

Published on 30 June 2022 at 18:42

Okay, so this first blog may be awkward. How? Well, I've been asking this question. How do I start? I thought to talk about some topics that would be hard hitting, or start with sharing who I am. But I am lost for words for my first blog. Then again, that question made me realize how many times I have asked myself this question. For a job. For friends. For God's calling.

How do I start?

Have you ever come across this question? Maybe God gave you an idea to do something, but you ask these four words. Maybe you're becoming a new parent and couldn't wait for this day to come, but now the precious bundle of joy is here, and this question is causing you anxiety. How about you, teenager? Have you ever wanted to join a club, a sport, a ministry or some sort of society, and began to think-how do I start?

You are not the only, nor will you ever be.

In 2018, my family and I were going through a very dark season. Our previous landlord for our townhome decided to sell the townhomes to a company, who were quite cold hearted. They gave us two options. One would've left us struggling financially to keep the townhome, and the other option would make us homeless. They gave us extensions a couple of times, however, raised the rent as long as we lived in the townhome. One by one, we saw families moving out, yet very few to none made the decision to pay the higher rent and stay. Both options were still out of the question for us.

During this time of March, my church just announced a mission's trip to Africa for November. I cannot tell you how excited I was to get ready to pack again for my third mission trip! I always had, well-have, a habit of packing then unpacking at least twenty times. I checked to make sure I had everything I needed. The only thing was to pay for the trip.

My mom and I were counting money and stressfully looking for a place for the family. We were low on cash as the new landlord demanded more money and gave us a day when we needed to be moved out.

One day God put it on my heart to give what I already had saved for the trip to my mom. At first, I was hesitant. I wondered how in the world am I going to pay for the mission trip? Am I going to get to go? Then, I realized how selfish I was being and saw that this was important. (Not at all saying missions wasn't.)

I gave my mom the money and we cried, not because I may or may not get to go to Africa again, but because this was a dark valley we didn't see coming and didn't know what will happen next. My mother and I looked for available townhomes, houses, apartments and nothing. We applied and called, but nothing. We only had a week to find a place.

As the day drew near for us to move out, we continued packing everything as fast as we could. All of our boxes filled up half the living room, up to the ceiling. It was insane. Not to mention, my grandmother was bed written and couldn't walk. She needed care from my mother, who was her caregiver.

We used money to rent a U-Haul, open a storage to place all of our belongings in, for gas and food. Some of us had to go to work and others kept on packing everything. It would take us up until midnight or my mom would say, "we can finish tomorrow. We need to take a break." Most of us had sleepless nights because of anxiety, worrying what's going to happen tomorrow.

A thought popped up and we never thought about it. We could see if we could live in a hotel. It wasn't what we expected and thought to look up. We prayed and believed God will move us into a house, townhome or an apartment, not a hotel. We knew since God has done it before, He can surely do it again.

We did find a home, went through a process of paperwork, but unfortunately, they called and said we couldn't move in due to financial purposes. Back to square one. All of that time wasted. Not to mention they called us with this bad news the week before the day we had to be gone.

We couldn't find a home, but we did find a hotel.

A little before this, I began to lose hope and doubted God will help us. I cried out to God in prayer, but nothing. I thought maybe He forgot about my family, maybe he forgot about me. I grew angry and left ministries I was involved in. My attendance to church continued, but my heart was growing cold.

I asked God "Why? Why are we going through all of this?"

And once more, nothing.

My family and I grabbed the necessities and kept most items in the storage. Day after day in that hotel was like living in a dark corner surrounded by attacks, and you had no way out. There were only two beds in both hotel rooms, five adults, three kids and two puppies. We would try to turn up the music to keep our puppies quiet to make sure no workers or the owner heard them.

We moved into the hotel on the last Thursday or Friday of March. Arguments happened. Some depression tried slipping in. We kept going to work and tried to move forward. We continued calling for home availability, but nothing.

What was God doing?

The following Wednesday my mom, grandmother and I went to church service. My heart felt incredibly heavy, and my mind was foggy. Fellow church members came and spoke though no one knew what we were going through. Everything was blear. I don't remember much of that service or who preached but all I saw was the altar. We needed God to move in this situation.

Personally, I needed God.

I felt lost and abandoned. I thought, maybe God left me and my family. Maybe God is mad at us because we did something wrong. It didn't make any sense for us to go through this.

When the pastor announced the altars are open, I didn't hesitate. I got up from my seat, my footsteps were but a blur as my eyes were filled with tears. I sat a few feet from the altar and leaned against the wall. All I could do was cry. I couldn't get a word out except, "please, help us God!" The more I thought about this trial, the more tears fell. I tried to stay silent for others to not hear me, but I couldn't hold on to this anymore. All the pain. All the anger. All the control I thought I had. I had to let it all go and cry out to God.

A young lady, who I've known for years in the church, came over and laid her hand on my back and began praying for me.

I couldn't stop, even when service ended. After I calmed down, the young lady brought me tissues and just sat with me.

(It was nice to not be asked what's wrong. Sometimes it pays just to sit with someone, let them cry and then allow the Holy Spirit to give you encouraging words to them, or simply be that shoulder for them to cry on.)

Usually I'm quiet, but I told her everything. I needed to vent and talk to someone. When I looked up at her, she had tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe we were going through this. At the moment, she was experiencing a hard situation she never thought she would face. She admitted it was hard for her too, but she remembered her favorite scripture that gave her peace and hope.

In Matthew 11:28 says "Then Jesus said, "Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest."

She quoted the scripture and after said, "I don't know what you're facing personally but I can tell you, go to Jesus. He's your hope. You will get through this. You and your family will get through this."

We talked for a moment, exchanged numbers and gave each other a hug.

As we left and was heading back to the hotel. I knew I needed to get back to reading my bible and praying. It was hard to find the time as we were steadily trying to pack then load boxes to the storage or while looking for a more permanent place.

We ended up staying in the hotel for nine days, but it felt like a lifetime, uncertain what the next day would bring. That following Sunday, we got a call for a townhome, checked it out and talked to the landlord. That same day, we moved in! It was a beautiful and quiet neighborhood, and only four minutes away from our church!

It took us about a week or two to move most of everything in. All of us was excited. Everyone had a room. There was enough space for everyone, except we had to sell our dogs. I couldn't tell you how much it hurt. Yeah, I only had my puppy for seven months, but it still hurt because I felt again, I had to lose another thing. It seemed like this cycle wouldn't end.

Long story short, we found a nice military family for my puppy, and they fell in love with him instantly. While giving him away, I was sick and could barely get up. It broke my heart that I didn't get to say goodbye.

When we got home, I remember feeling even more depressed and lonely. I kept praying and reading my bible, but something was blocking me. My heart wasn't completely in it.

I walked around in the house, at my job and church with a painted smile, like everything was okay. Yes! Praise God for blessing us with a place to live, but I still felt like He wasn't here, with me. Then I got informed my boss, at the time, was getting promoted, which meant I was going to have to start looking for another job, fast.

I couldn't catch a break, so I broke. I fell down on my knees in my room and cried. I begged God, why? What am I to do? I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of going through all of this. I'm tired of losing everything. What can I do to stop feeling like this?

Then I heard, "Sing praises unto me."

Then I asked the question, "how do I start?" It was hard to try and lift a praise through all the storms I was facing. How am I to give worship to God and not look at what is going on around me. The weight of it all was too heavy. I'm facing too much, and all I hear is sing praises unto me?

I obeyed, even though I didn't see how this was going to help anything. I went to my piano and began to play a couple songs I taught myself to play, and immediately the atmosphere changed. It was like a cool refreshing taste of water as I sung every word aloud. The depression and loneliness suddenly faded, and I felt joy! Unspeakable joy and indescribable peace. God knew what I needed, and it took me this long to see it. All it took was to simply turn to God humbly and wholeheartedly and ask how do I start?

Perhaps you're going through some of the same events. You've lost your home. Your business. A loved one. A close friend. Possibly, something or many things that was precious in your eyes, are gone. All you want is to have them back. You've tried in your own might to get it back, but nothing. Maybe you thought God was going to do things the same way He's done it before, but instead He allows a complete 180 turn to happen.

Some things can be restored, but others may not. This does not mean God cares little about you or wants to take everything away from you forever. Not at all! He wants you to see even greater things He can do for you by restoring and renewing all what was lost, by your faith and trust in Him.

It won't be easy, but I can tell you this from experience, it starts with you turning to Jesus. He is your hope, your confident hope. And when you turn to Him, ask "how do I start?" "Where do I begin?" Even take the question further and deeper: "how do I keep going?" Then, that's where He begins to move. Like Matthew 11:28, just come to Him. Lay it all down at the feet of Jesus. He will give you rest.

That is how you start.